STEP TWO

I hate the concept of a personal trainer.

I mean, paying someone to remind you of what to do in a gym? Man, I have significant memory loss, and even I can keep track of that.

But in reality, someone that you pay is someone you are more likely to show up for an appointment with - someone that you don't dismiss easily - and someone who keeps you on track.

Luckily, with the renewal of my gym membership, I got three sessions with a personal trainer.

And even more fortunately, that personal trainer is Debbie L., who is an awesome fellow member of my book club.

Okay, so maybe it does help to have a personal trainer - I'm ready to admit Debbie has me pushing a lot deeper than I thought I could go.

 

Now let's see if I can keep doing it on my own as well.

STEP ONE

Today: the first significant item in my assault upon the 18.1436 kg I am carrying around and wish to leave behind.

I made only ONE piece of toast instead of my normal two.

The rest should be a breeze.... right?

A CLEAN SLATE

 

 

ONE STEP AT A TIME

My weight is stubbornly remaining exactly the same.

So I am trying to walk just a little bit further every day.

And although I look somewhat ridiculous, I am trying to ride my bike.

Yeah, I think I do look like that.

THERE ARE THREE KINDS OF LIES

I blame my lack of posts for the past several weeks on the outrageous and flirtatious behavior of my scale.

It is one of those serious, large-digital ones that simply states what your mass at normal Earth gravity is. No ifs, no buts, nothing to misread or not understand (completely random side bar here - have you seen that commercial for a pregnancy test that states 30% of women MISREAD their results? Are there really a third of our gender who are that STUPID? It says you are pregnant or you aren't - how can you misread it?!?!).

But then my scale tries either to tempt me beyond my ability to resist or simply feels I need some additional encouragement.


Monday, it insisted that I had lost eight pounds.


And it insisted this REPEATEDLY - numbers not changing or blinking or even winking at me.


Eight pounds! WOW! This is GREAT.


It lied.


Or I gained eight pounds back in six hours - because six hours later, it went back to clinical detachment and stated, no, it wasn't true, you were right back where you were last week... and the week before.


And it probably doesn't help that this news sent me reeling straight to my hidden chocolate stash.

PUBLIC OPINION OR LACK THEREOF

Just one little follow-up blog following my rather extreme hair-cut:

Almost everyone I know politely ignores it, and says nothing.

And almost every teenager I know immediately says, "Cool, Sister Wiltfong! I LOVE your hair!"

HIRSUTISM NO MORE

How much do you think hair weighs?

Because I got a LOT chopped off this afternoon.

I can only remember one other time I've had it quite this short - right after I woke up from a coma (I guess when your body has nothing else to do, it spends a lot of energy growing hair and fingernails).

Don't get me wrong - I really like it, and it is SUPER easy to spike and just let go.

But looking at the floor of my hair stylist's floor, I would guess a good 8 lbs. was there.

New weight loss tool?

208!!

Does anyone else remember way back in the 60's, seems like when I was in fifth or sixth grade, when the plan was to officially convert the U.S. measuring system to metric by 1990?

It got voted on, and approved, and got some publicity... and then simply disappeared and never happened.

So we are just about the only nation in the world who does not use metric.

And sometimes, things just sound better in metric.

37 degrees C. sounds a lot better than 100 F. -- driving at 88 kph compared to our standard 55 mph. - somehow a 10K race is more of an accomplishment than 6.2 miles.

And since I have somehow overcome my latest little plateau, I like putting that I have lost a total of 208 oz. so far - or 5.90 kg - 5,89607 grams - and 0.001 tons.

Ugh - shouldn't have put that last one because now I feel HUGE.

But it's loss, and right now we like that!

FAST OR SLOW?

My dad would have one day every month where he would do nothing but drink juice - to clean out his system, he said.

Our church defines fasting as "to go without food and drink voluntarily for a certain period of time. Fasting combined with sincere prayer can strengthen us spiritually, bring us closer to God, and help us prepare ourselves and others to receive His blessings. "

And on the first Sunday of the month, we fast as a church and donate the money we would have spent on the missed meals to help those in need.

The older I get, the looser my definition of a fast has become.  Used to be two meals... then one... then I would give up something specifically (usually chocolate, which to me is a true sacrifice).

I can blame it on getting older - being on more meds - low blood sugar - sheer weakness.... yeah, mainly that last one.

So today I was pretty impressed that I actually kept (most) of a real, honest-to-goodness fast. And this evening I have NOT gone hog-wild making up for the skipped food by goobling down loads of junk.

At least as of 10:27 p.m.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

SEEING A SONG

Since a couple of us are experiencing a weight-loss plateau, here are some lyrics I found - have no idea what the tune is, but my mind plays a sort of bluesy-cowboy twange:

Let's take a ride to the easy plateau

Where the cold don't come and the wind don't blow

Moonlight flickers on the water below

The orange grove blossoms

In the orange grove

Bad nights lead to better days

It doesn't matter but I think about it anyway

I want a easy plateau

Some place to rest my head

want an easy plateau
Some place to rest my head


For awhile, for awhile, for awhile

For a little while

Sleepyhead, come on let's take a ride
To the easy plateau in the back of your mind

Up through the alley, take the door under the stairs

My head ain't feeling nothing but cats and rocking chairs
Bad nights lead to better days
It never happens but I think about it anyway

I want an easy plateau
Some place to hang my head
I want an easy plateau

Some place to hang my head

For awhile, for awhile, for awhile

For a little while

I like it - at least the way I can hear it.

WHEN ENVELOPED IN SWEETNESS

As Latter-Day Saints, 90% of our non-Sunday meetings are required by commandment to have refreshments containing more than 18 grams of sugar and less than 1% fiber, protein or Vitamin C.

Okay, okay, so it's not really a commandment - it just seems to be a major requirement within Mormon culture.

For example, last evening we held a lovely introduction to Personal Progress, our young women equivalent to becoming an Eagle Scout, for both the girls and their parents.

But at the end, of course, we served TONS of Rice Krispies Treats.

How could I politely refuse?

AHA! I did have a time-honored, revered and honest excuse this time.

I was holding someone's baby for them... and you know it is impossible to eat anything one-handed.

 

The baby weighed about 12 lbs.... so it counts as a work-out.

 

And it was hot in the kitchen/serving area even without holding a snuggling, sleeping baby... so I probably sweated off several pounds.
 
Triumph over cereal and marshmellows at last!!!

MONDAY MORNING WEIGH IN

I should be thankful is some way - but I'm not at this moment.

I have not lost anything.

But, to do the half-glass thing that I normally am wonderful at, I have not gained anything.

Serious exercise is in my very near future - I've gotta find some way to shift this into a higher gear other than just walking the dogs.

SHOULDA JUST BURNED A SCENTED CANDLE

Dieting Rule No. One: Do not make a large pan of double-chocolate brownies when you have no one else to share it with just because it's a cold cloudy day and you'd like to have some good warm smells in your house.

ON THE ROAD TO FIND OUT

WAYS TO BURN CALORIES:

- Walking

-Talking While Walking

- Picking Up Trash Along The Highway

- Chasing Animals Who Are Determined Not To Come When Called

- Vacuuming

- Moving Furniture To Vacuum Under Furniture

WAYS TO NOT BURN CALORIES:

- Twist Your Ankle While Walking

- Talking While Not Moving

- Discovering A Buried Road Sign That Reads "Proposed Annexation" And Spending The Next Ten Minutes Uncovering And Cleaning It

- Watching Animals On The Distant Horizon Still Running Away

- Sitting On The Floor Unclogging The Vacuum Filter

- Laying On The Floor After Taking 27 Ibuprofen For Your Wrenched Back From Moving The Hide-A-Bed Couch In Order To Vacuum Underneath

GET LOST

Does anyone know if it is true that President Obama's State of the Union address was rescheduled because it was going to be the same day and time as the season premiere of "Lost"? Or is that just the latest urban myth?


Okay, back to getting lost.

There are a couple of good things about getting lost.
Unfortunately, the simple recognition that you are off the path is sometimes one of the most difficult.


And the second step is wanting to get back on the path.

A lot of people don't realize they are lost, and are perfectly okay with that. Some people are lost, but when shown the way back, are scared to try it again. Some people stray off the path, give up on themselves, and try to get further and further away.

Okay, this wasn't headed towards being notes from Psychology 101.

But I've got a free week.

And I am trying to decide if I want to use this week to get way off the path - that may be the only way to recognize if I might perhaps be on not the best path.

Now - a prize to the first reader who can translate this rambling into 24 words or less.

And the timer begins.... NOW.

EYES SHUT OPEN

You know how a little kid will shut his eyes real tight and believe then that somehow you can't see him?

I've been ignoring this blog because I am embarrassed that I haven't lost any weight.

I haven't gained any, but I seem to have hit a plateau.
And I'm discouraged - not just about weight, but many minor, insignificant things are hitting me much harder than they should be.

I kinda wish I still had a uterus to blame all this on.