SHOULDA JUST BURNED A SCENTED CANDLE

Dieting Rule No. One: Do not make a large pan of double-chocolate brownies when you have no one else to share it with just because it's a cold cloudy day and you'd like to have some good warm smells in your house.

ON THE ROAD TO FIND OUT

WAYS TO BURN CALORIES:

- Walking

-Talking While Walking

- Picking Up Trash Along The Highway

- Chasing Animals Who Are Determined Not To Come When Called

- Vacuuming

- Moving Furniture To Vacuum Under Furniture

WAYS TO NOT BURN CALORIES:

- Twist Your Ankle While Walking

- Talking While Not Moving

- Discovering A Buried Road Sign That Reads "Proposed Annexation" And Spending The Next Ten Minutes Uncovering And Cleaning It

- Watching Animals On The Distant Horizon Still Running Away

- Sitting On The Floor Unclogging The Vacuum Filter

- Laying On The Floor After Taking 27 Ibuprofen For Your Wrenched Back From Moving The Hide-A-Bed Couch In Order To Vacuum Underneath