ANGER AS A DIETING TOOL

Today I got mad.

I mean, MAD.

At three people at the same time (and those of you who know me know exactly who those three people are).

So I did what I always do - locked myself in my bathroom and wrote it all out on a sheet of paper - and almost immediately felt better.

And assigned myself what, without fail, ALWAYS helps - GOT PHYSICAL.

No, not sex.

Serious housework.

Like all floors - hands and knees - corners - bookcases - places that are not open to normal consideration.

2 slices of bacon -- 92
French Toast -- 298
Yogurt -- 140
Fiber One -- 120
Popcorn -- 200
TOTAL -- 850

(However, the scale is still reporting the same numbers - persevere, Hope, persevere!

OOPS!

I am Queen of Rationalization. I can justify almost anything that I really want to - have talked myself and large numbers of innocent bystanders into committing heinous acts such as... well, as in the case of... okay, maybe 'heinous' is too strong a word.

But I fully admit that I am controlled by my appetites.

For one thing, breathing. My lungs have tried repeatedly to convince me to give this up with open rebellion; and yet I still have to intake a certain amount of air every minute of every hour of every day. Has anyone come up with a twelve step program for this addiction - or a patch?

And although my church counsels us to have one monthly period of fasting, I fail regularly at this also.

So last night, when our entire congregation was asked to hold a fast today for a particular member who is critically ill (late 20's young husband and father with kidneys failing), I was determined to succeed and complete an honest and 24 hour fast.

And I did.

By not having any Caffeine-Free Diet Dr. Pepper or chocolate for 24 hours.

You do what you can, right?

So today:

Peanut butter -- 380
2 slices toast -- 130
Yogurt -- 140
Fiber One -- 120
Manwich -- 60
Hamburger Bun -- 120

TOTAL -- 950

IS MY STOMACH SHRINKING OR MY BRAIN?

Today has been better, and I am not at all certain why. Perhaps staying up until 2 a.m. talking to my oldest helped - instead of succumbing to the usual shoveling-any-thing-edible-in-my-mouth-to-stay-wake, I am trying to press on with personal projects such as allowing my horses to eat, but not me (grazing for half-inch blades of grass has never really appealed to me no matter how much I love my horses and strive to be a better vegetarian).

So today:

Yogurt with Fiber One (instead of Grape Nuts - less calories) -- 235
Popcorn -- 200
Wendy's Hamburger -- 430
Wendy's Frosty -- 530
TOTAL -- 1,395

The Wendy's my husband had brought home as a special 'surprise' for me, and I could not politely refuse.

But tonight I drove right by Dairy Queen and did NOT stop.

Okay, okay, I actually did turn into Dairy Queen, but I did not order ANYTHING and drove out.

Alright, I admit it - there was an impossibly long line for the drive-thru (almost wrapping around the building), so I didn't feel I could justify the 35+ minute wait to my husband, whom I had already admitted I was on my way home.

But come on, I should get SOME brownie points, for this, shouldn't I?!

BLUE FOOD FOREVER

If there was a way to live on Diet Coke and popcorn, and still be able to sleep at night, I think I would be okay.

Or perhaps if blue food only was allowed (prompted both by a book I am reading, "The Lightening Thief" and the particular scene I am watching from "Bridget Jones's Diary").

Today I did relatively well, all things considered - a huge Diet Coke to start the day off right (if I go into town, my truck drives unassisted in to the McDonald's drive-thru). I went through Wendy's, and didn't even THINK about getting myself a large Frosty.

Okay, let's be truthful here, I did think about it, but I didn't do it.

I was forced at gun-point to get a cone at Dairy Queen on the way home, but the corporation would absolutely go completely under if they were denied my patronage.

But then yogurt - three bites on my husband's potato-ham-processed-cheese (355 calories per bite, with 983 grams of pure fat) - possibly 622 mini-chips of semi-sweet chocolate and thirteen cans of Caffeine-Free Diet Dr. Peppers - and NOTHING ELSE.

At least as of 21:16 Arizona standard time.

So...

Largest Diet Coke possible -- minus 1,154
Yogurt -- maybe 300 calories
Medium vanilla Dairy Queen cone -- 329 (but again, at gunpoint)
Not getting a large Frosty at Wendy's -- MINUS 530

Which means a total of 0 calories today.

Exercise - well, the walk with the horses counts for twice as much because

1) Najala spooked at a stray butterfly, pulled the rope out of my hand, and only stopped when the rope became intertwined between his front legs (thank the powers that be that he
Three bites of potato-ham-cheese-grease -- 1,065then listened to me and stopped instead of breaking his leg) and

2) Sally, who is perpetually in heat at a time in her life when she should be past whatever the equine-equivalent of menopause, spotted THREE horses gazing alongside the cattle at the end of our road, and IMMEDIATELY assumed they simply HAD to be the three studs who have been frequenting her erotic dreams - serious muscles needed to be called into action to drag her away.