MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL

I guess we all have a personal image inside of us that doesn't necessarily conform to reality.

However, the shock of myself unclothed in a dressing mirror in Target was more than slightly alarming. And to compound the message, I had to ask for assistance to take OFF a shirt I was trying on - once I had it on, the short-sleeve sleeves (can you think of another way to say that?) were too tight to pull down off my arms without an arm free, and a Target employee had to help me.

So this evening I walked - twice - at a comfortable pace. Normally the difficulty I have is carrying on a conversation while doing anything energetically (I have lungs the size of sardines), but being at literally sea-level as opposed to home's 5,000 ft. altitude seemed to make all the difference.

Yogurt x 2

(Home-made) Enchiladas

A Hagen Daus ice cream (dessert c/o my grandson - who could possible turn that down?)
A extra large Coke by accident (I ordered a Diet, but....)

And I think that's it... at least I hope that is it.

BABY BABY

My oldest daughter is over six foot tall, blue-eyed, thick long brown hair, and is one of the most striking attractive women I know.

Tonight, she gave me four beautiful pairs of The Gap/Eddie Bauer quality slacks from her personal stash that have a beautiful 34-36 inseam, classic colors and impeccable style.

I probably should not mention that they are the ones she wore during her last pregnancy.

Today:

Yogurt & Fiber One

A Big Mac and Fries

2 huge waffles, bacon AND scrambled eggs

(And we wonder why I am fitting so well into maternity clothing.)

ANOTHER SATURDAY NIGHT

PLUS POINTS: Spending four to five hours on the windward beach of Oahu
Chasing your granddaughter in and out of the waves
Watching your grandson boogie-boarding further out than you could ever have imagined he would go
Sitting scrunched between a three year old and a six year old in the back seat of a mini-van

MINUS POINTS: 17 Diet Cokes
14 carrot-bread-type muffins with some incredible frosting on top
Four and a half pieces of Papa John pizza
One very large bowl of chocolate mint ice cream eaten in front of the television
(FYI here - food eaten while watching television adds 45% more calories while food eaten while reading a book takes away 35% of the calories and food eaten outside is calorie-free)

TOTAL POINTS: 0

SITTIN' ON THE DOCK OF THE BAY

Things that allow you to burn more calories while away from home:

- Having a three-year old granddaughter who simply does NOT stop moving for 14 hours of the day.

- A six-year grandson who always wants to show you something that is someplace other than where you are at the moment.

- Breathing in clean clear air straight off the ocean.

- Eating dinner only after smelling it for the previous two hours.

- And last (but by no means the least) being too embarrassed to hunt through your daughter's cabinets to see if there is 'anything else' to nibble on.

So far today:

Yogurt

Fiber One

A banana

Some chocolate

Sitting on the front porch reading "The Glass Castle"

TOTAL: Contentment.

PLUS AND MINUS

A Diet Coke is -4 points.
A regular Coke is -3 points.
A Diet Dr. Pepper is -8 points.
A Caffeine-Free Diet Dr. Pepper is -22 points.

Chocolate is +1 point.
Ice cream is +18 points.
Yogurt is - 18 points
(so if you eat them within three hours of each other, they cancel themselves out)

Milk is -8 points (calcium and all that).
Bottled Water is -18 points.
Tap Water is -12 points.

Sugar-Free Bubble Gum is -15 points.
Regular Bubble Gum is -5 points.
Sugar-Free Trident Spearmint is o points.

Cleaning the kitchen is -10 points.
Cleaning the bathroom is -40 points.
Cleaning the cat box is -12 points.

Falling asleep on the couch is +12 points.
Falling asleep in your bed with the lights out is -7 points.
Falling asleep in church is +132 points plus the chance of being struck by a lightening bolt.

So today:
- 4
-8
-18
+1
-12
-12
+132
______
+139

HOW CAN I EVER FORGET

Isn't it annoying when people say they simply "forgot" to eat? It's like someone forgetting to breathe or allow their kidneys to function.

However, today, I did forgot to eat.

I think it was because I became serious attached to a large amount of bubble gum - when you get a wad to just the correct consistency to blow some serious bubbles.... well, what can I say? I didn't learn how to blow bubbles until an adult (simply was physically impossible until I had jaw surgery), so now I take the occupation very acutely and am making up for 31+ years of being bubble-disadvantaged.

Plus I ended up doing about twenty more errands than I had planned, to include getting lunch for two kids, arguing with a pharmacist technical for about twenty minutes, picking a book that would keep me occupied for a seven hour flight but not embarrass me by anyone else seeing the title (a Harlequin romance, or a paperback entitled "How To Divorce Your Husband Without Him Ever Noticing"), and trying to leave Target with spending most of my pocket money for this upcoming trip.

Suddenly it was 7 p.m., and I realized I hadn't eaten anything.

Well, besides a Dairy Queen ice cream.

But that didn't count.... right?

VACATION TIME

Calories don't count when:
- You are eating at a serious social event such as a wedding, graduation or funeral, or
- The food/meal has been cooked by a child and you are responsible for the positive feedback necessary to keep them making meals, or
- You are on vacation.

Now small tropical islands are actually known for healthy foods.

I mean, watch one episode of "Lost" - is anyone (besides Hurley, I mean) overweight? They've got pineapple, and mangos, and bananas, and all that sort of wholesome crap - no junk food survived the crash.

So going to Oahu for three weeks will be great for my diet.... right?