HEYLOOKAME!

This evening, I drank only water at my book club meeting, and did not take anything else from the beautifully laid out table of refreshments offered by the gracious hostess.

I drove home from town and did NOT stop at Dairy Queen for my regular medium twist ice cream cone.

And when I arrived home, I shared a carrot with Najale and Sally (well, actually, I ate one carrot as they chomped down about ten... and in about the same amount of time).

I just needed to brag to someone.

I WONDER WHY I STAY WHEN EVERYONE IS GONE

I think I have conquered one of my worse eating habits.

Snacking late at night.

I was raised in environment where The Tonight Show (the old one, with Johnny Carson, on at 11:00 p.m.) was early entertainment. The only concept of a curfew I ever remembered was being expected to call home if you were out after midnight.

Not to come home, but just call to say where you were.

It was not uncommon to have our dinner at 9 p.m.


And it went without saying that popcorn, crackers, tuna fish sandwiches, peanut butter straight-from-the-jar, ice cream sandwiches and large bottles of Dr. Pepper were consumed until the wee hours of the morning.

So I have been accustomed to going to bed with a hefty dose of carbohydrates - microwave popcorn, dry cereal or peanut butter on toast.

But for the past week two weeks, I have eaten NOTHING after 7 p.m.

Great.

But I'm also not sleeping.

So does insomnia burn up calories? And if so, how much?

THREE LITTLE PIGS

"Everybody knows the story of the Three Little Pigs. , but nobody knows the real story, because nobody has ever heard my side of the story. I'm Alexander T. Wolf. You can call me Al.

I don't know how this whole Big Bad Wolf thing got started, but it's all wrong. Maybe it's because of our diet. Hey, it's not my fault wolves eat cute little animals like bunnies and sheep and pigs. That's just the way we are. If cheeseburgers were cute, folks would probably think you were Big and Bad too.

But like I was saying, the whole big bad wolf thing is all wrong.

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Look up this link for the rest of the story.

My own story? Lost three pounds. A nice, reasonable beginning which I am very pleased with.

THE IMPORTANCE OF TIMING

Tomorrow begins the true public humiliation - I am going to post my weight loss/gain weekly.

But WHEN do you weigh yourself?!

First thing in the morning? Late at night? After lunch? Before dinner?

Wait! I got it!

Right after you purchase and are holding onto four dozen helium balloons!

Yes?

THERE IS ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE

It's difficult to come up with an honest original idea.

Since I have agreed to publicly post my mass - er, tonnage - well, substantiality - my WEIGHT , I have been googling for diet ideas (something around here is gonna have to change before my ponderousness (hey, I like that word!).

I thought the idea of brushing my teeth each and every time I ate anything would help.

But RATS - Diet Aid Toothpaste is already available in the U.K. for only $12 a tube.

Then I found (honest-to-God) this website, which has (drum-roll here) A DIET FORK. I just loved the explanation: "The fork has shorter and duller which makes it harder to grasp food."

So I think I do have one concept that hasn't (yet) been properly exploited, and has the potential to make MILLIONS.

Grease your hands.

Constantly.

Sort of the same principle as wrestling a greased pigs - it will be difficult if not impossible to hold any eating utensil - even finger-food would be a problem.

And if you use disgusting enough, filthy grease, you won't even be tempted.

How much do you think I should ask for my 'starter' kit of WD40, Penzoil, and sharp metal filings?

TODAY IS THE TOMORROW WE LOOKED FORWARD TO YESTERDAY

I am taking a leaf from two dear friends' blogs, and making (another) bold step forward - 4,945th time is the charm, right?

So I am going to begin logging my weight here weekly.

Mondays are blue days, right? So let us begin.

EEECCCHHHH!!!

DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT

I hate to repeat myself - so go see this.