FAT HEAVEN OR SKINNY HELL?





Although not raised, culturally, as a Latter-Day Saint, my body been decidedly Mormon and Orthodox Jewish since birth.


I never liked coffee (although I certainly tried), I can't hold my drink (or my head or any other part of my body when I drink alcohol), and my entire gastric system riots when I eat any pork.


But there several gray areas with LDS dietary rule.


Ultra-conservative Mormons feel that any drink with caffeine is somehow as evil as coffee. They also believe in voting Republican, watching Glenn Beck and Fox News, and never teaching a lesson with a tablecloth, flower arrangement and a hand-out.


Moderate Mormons think that you will not be sent directly to outer darkness if you are not a dead-dog Republican, you can drink Diet Coke as long as it's not in public, and you can watch Comedy Central on T.V.


Liberal Mormons see no problem with Mt. Dew, supporting human and civil rights, and supporting President Obama.


So here is my personal quandary.


I normally drink two Diet Cokes a day - discreetly, in private, in the dark of my closets (my bishop may be reading this blog).


Today I drank FOUR - and I know it was the reason I got by with less food.


So, the question is - should I be good and end up in heaven as a chubby cherub, or be a skinny woman who ends up in the Mormon equivalent of hell (which actually is the Democrat National Convention in an election year)?